Dulled enthusiasm (buffed up)

OK, admittedly my posting since my last post has been non-existent. Admittedly, I've fallen by the wayside a little: the week before the last post I did fantastic things at the gym (including turning up) and ate fairly well, but the week after my dad was rushed to hospital, it was dipping to -16oC at night and junk food appeared to get tastier. Lifestyle changes just pre-Christmas are a silly idea. [edit: this post was started just pre Christmas, then Christmas got in the way, and now both me and my dad have managed to get flu. Poor excuses for continuing poor performance]

Anyway, I attended exercise classes for the first time. I've been meaning to for years (without exaggeration) and I finally did it! I had an image in my head that these classes would be populated entirely by bitchy gymbunnies, and the exercises would require a level of athletic fitness and co-ordination that I don't (and probably never will) possess. Apparently not so, actually it's quite fun, and everyone seems lovely.

So far I've been to seven Body Balance classes, and a Bums-Legs-and-Tums class, unfortunately named in a way that has me craving bacon butties for days afterward.

I love bacon.

Body Balance
The Body Balance class is one of the Les Mill's Global Fitness Empire's offerings (Link). It's a Pilate's/yoga hybrid, with some meditation/breathing at the end. I started this because I wasn't sure my body could take real exercise I thought that it would be a good way to strengthen my core before doing more high impact moves. I've got poor posture and weak stomach muscles (I stick my arse out, so my spine sits slightly L-shaped. Sexy.) and I thought that this would help train me to tilt my pelvis to the normal angle... perhaps making me fall over less. [everything past here was written after Chrismas!]

I actually enjoy the class (I've been doing about three a week) although I forget every single time just how hard they work me; I saunter in self-confidently, before being ushered back into line by my upper body strength (hitting your face off the floor tends to reinstate humility). What I like about the class is that you can adjust how hard you're working, subtly. You can do the movement on it's own, or tense and lean over a fraction more; rendering the workout much more difficult.

Things I seem to be good at: bending/flexing: I'm actually quite flexible (with the exception of my hamstrings, which are a work in progress) so I'm going to try and use this to make my workout harder. I'm also surprisingly ok at sit up/crunches type exercises, which is definitely one for the home workout.

My weak points definitely include my upper body strength (I can't crab either, which made doing a gymnastics class I tried earlier in the year pretty difficult) and my balance; both of which I need to work on.

The body balance class goes through a cycle (you can probably find videos on YouTube) of exercises. The ones I find most difficult are those based around the plank (facing down to the floor, weight on palms and toes). The 'normal' plank is fine, but we are asked to bend our elbows so we are close to the floor - I tend not to be able to hold it. The most difficult move for me is the 'marching plank': in plank position we move out feet one at a time, out-out in-in.


Bums, legs and tums
Run by a woman with a level of enthusiasm I have never seen in someone who isn't Californian. Much more of an aerobics-y classic 80s offering, BLT was bouncy out-of-breath type aerobics using weights at times. I did enjoy most of it, and I can see the potential for improvement (super-enthusiastic aerobic-ing, heavier weights) BUT the sit ups absolutely killed me. I said before in the body balance section that I didn't mind sit ups, but the BB ones are mainly based on working against how you've weighted your body; e.g. lifting your legs up. BLT asked me to do 'classic' sit ups which killed, not my tummy, but my neck. I'm not sure whether this is a technique thing or just a me thing, but I'm not sure it's constructive giving my upper back this much strain.

Perhaps find another way of doing the sit ups during the class, or just find another class?


My next challenge is to find more classes, and create a home work-out I can (and will) do in the morning.

Gymophobes Anonymous

I'm Starry and I'm a recovering gymophobe.

My new fascination with my waistline is less to do with weight, and more to do with control. Over the last few years I've put on a bucketload of weight, for no reason other than that I've sat on my fat arse and ate lard.

I'm less annoyed at my actual silhouette, than I am at the fact that it is the way it is due to sheer laziness and lack of motivation.

I've never had a huge amount of (lets vomit while we borrow a phrase from Cosmopolitan) "body confidence". I was your typical bullied, asthmatic nerd. Since school I've equated exercise with gymclass (which was awful in many ways) and the gym with toned, athletic people. I hate being out of breath, I never felt I could catch it again and it made me feel out of control and panic-y. It's only recently that I've learned to calm down and breathe through it - so that's a good starting point. my balance, or lack thereof, also made gymclass awful. Instead of having a gawky teenage phase, I'm a gawky human being, that in her twenties, still falls over her feet and finds it impossible to mimic the leader in exercise classes.

I used to get 'fat' insults a lot in school. Now, I think it was a generic insult levelled at females, but then it really knocked my confidence. Two incidents really stand out. I was cross-country running and a pack of girls and their boyfriend ran behind me, making fun of my weight - I think this stands out because of how vulnerable and self conscious I felt anyway (due to the co-ordination, unfitness and breathing) and because I was being hounded. The second is when my best friend (to give her her due, had massive problems of her own) called me 'porrage butt' (in amongst lots of other weight jibes). Cue my cellulite neurosis.

I was convinced throughout my teens that I was fat, ugly and worthless. I found a few of the holiday photos I hadn't destroyed from when I was 16 the other day, and was fairly shocked. Not toned (I've never been toned!) but definitely slim, 9 1/5 stones, size 10 and with a killer ass. I'm wearing a strappy top, and these tiny shorts with an inadvisable glittery tribal pattern on the bum (classy!) and I look great. I just felt so bad, I couldn't appreciate it.

I promise that this will be the last sob-story post, but I think it's good to lay on the table what and why I am me, and I have the relationship with my body that I do. Despite everything, I have more confidence in how I look than I ever have, but now I really have to take ownership of the way I look, the way I feel, and what I can make my body do.

The things I have to change:

1) Eating. I love eating. It's true what they say, all the worst things are bad for you. Like crisp sandwiches. I love crisp sandwiches. Inch of butter, cheese and onion crisps. In the words of Bill Bailey "crunch crunch crunch, yum yum yum yum yum" (2mins05!). I digress.

Anyway, I think that love of food is healthy. Not just unhealthy food you understand - I'll eat just about anything. The problem lies in that sometimes I can't resist. I also comfort eat, and I'll eat when I'm bored. I don't particularly want to change my diet per se but I need to stop eating when I don't want or need to. And I need to work out why I'm doing it.

2) Get fitter. To be honest, this is less about losing weight than being in control. I hate that my body doesn't do what I want it to do, what it should be able to do. I can't run for more than 100 metres without my thighs burning and my chest tightening up. It's pathetic, and it needs to be sorted.

3) Lose weight, and reclaim my waistline. Although losing weight and those horrible bulges that leave lines in your skin even when you stretch out is a plus, there are three things that really bother me.

One, cellulite. Now this is the biggie. I hate, hate, hate it. It makes me feel worse than any other part. It makes me turn away from my other half, it makes me worry about the lighting, it makes me incredibly self conscious. If I could choose my 'perfect' shape and size with cellulite, or a bigger one without, I would go for the without. There's no way I can get rid without just losing fat, and toning up. It's something I'm prone to, so it's never going to go away completely. Even at 9 1/2 stone I had this odd bulge, like a banana under my skin. But just now it's less like orange peel, and more like shotgun damage. 

Two,  I've lost my waist. I used to have a, let's say pear-shape. I've got small breasts which stoically stay the same size no matter how much weight I gain. My fat likes to sit on my thighs, hips and tummy. Losing the waist definition makes me look chunky, not curvy. 

Three, Because I put weight on my hips when I sit cross legged or lead over, I get this horrible fold between my tummy/hip fat, and my thighs. Urgh, let's get rid of it.

4) I need body confidence. I need to be able to stand there, in the mirror and go. "I am Starry, this is my body, and we love each other. And that is nothing to do with how I look, but entirely in my own head.

Comments will always be welcome, whether you are offering support, commiserations or a kick up the backside. 

Let's do this!

Starry